How to make sure you won't get a review
Of course you do. What's the use of making brilliant music and not telling the world about it?
You know what? A review on Here Comes The Flood is a good starting point for your future world domination.
Facts, figures and such. For free! Get one while supplies last.
There are rules!
Not reading the rules. Do it. Now.
Excessive use of chest beating adjectives. Telling me you are cool and awesome is not up to you. That's something what other reviewers might have written about you.
Our song was featured in ....
some lame TV show/movie/commercial I never heard of. Or would hate if I did. It's about the song, not its use in a totally irrelevant setting.
Remix of <insert name track>
Do your own stuff. I don't mind a good cover though.
Using CAPS-LOCKED subject lines
If you can't handle a keyboard, you are likely to suck at playing your musical instrument too.
Stupid subject lines
"Hey, check this out".
O really? You aren't peddling mortgages or some such?
Stupid lines in general
"I hope you’re good".
Cut the crap and come to the point.
"I'm working with ..."
No, you're not. Somebody hired you to handle the PR grunt work. You're not in the band.
Don't call me dude, guy, brah, friend or some such when you contact me about the possibility of a review. I don't know you. There's only one real dude and that's not you.
Trying to bribe me
Don't even go there. Ever.
No comment option on this page. There's no point, you see.